A Recap

All right, let’s do a little recap, shall we? It’s a new year, and the many threads or our topless tale are well tangled by now. We could probably all use a little clarity before heading down the final leg of our journey and tying them up into a neat and, no doubt, emotionally satisfying package on the level of, say, Doctor Zhivago or Pride and Prejudice or whatever other brilliant, deathless classic you’d like to mention.

Yes, that’s right, kids. We are approaching the home stretch. The final push. The last climb into the stunning climax. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s not just a spotlight or a reflection off a showgirl’s sequins. The end is approaching.

But before you get too sad, let me assure you there’s a lot of ground to cover. And it’s fun ground. Good ground. Up and down and sideways ground, with some unexpected turns included.
So let’s see. Where do we stand now?

Well, our bad guy, Zem, once known as Zeus when he was the Ruler of Olympus and King of the Gods but now reduced to, more or less, just another shady Vegas sheister, has blown into town with a plan to make it over. His number one henchwoman-slash-high priestess, the blousy mayor of Vegas, Magnolia Conner, is running the show for him, directing its developments and orchestrating the new Desert Mecca they’re creating. She is now, because he owed her one, immortal. And just for fun she’s also a genetic woman after decades of being one only by virtue of some complex surgery and ongoing drugs. Who knew? Magnolia’s a little freaked by this turn of events, but she’s also enjoying the perky ass that comes with the deal.

The actual plan, just in case you weren’t paying attention or got confused along the way, is to turn all of Vegas into one gigantic deconstructed temple to Zem, with individual pilgrimage sites or sacrificial altars or other holy service outlets scattered among every casino in town. Visitors will come in droves, once it’s all ready and running, seeking healing or blessing or a million trillion dollars or a tip on next week’s stock prices or whatever else their greedy little brains come up with. And Zem will give them these things, if he’s feeling generous and once they’ve completed a long and arduous series of challenges.

On the other hand, those Olympian gods were never known for generosity. They were much better known for tricksterism. This should not be surprising, given that they arose out of an early civilization’s desire to understand just exactly why the natural world was so unpredictable and why life could sometimes be — not to put too fine a point on it — so shitty. So the ruler of that particularly capricious tribe is hardly your best source for reasoned judgment or mercy or a fair shake, is he? But people love a free handout, even if they know that 999 times out of 1000 the free hand is going to get burned or bitten or chopped off at the wrist rather than rewarded.

Heavy sigh. People are stupid, aren’t they?

But that’s what’s going on in Vegas, with a little sub-story about Venus, the Goddess of Love, the old thorn in Zem’s side from their Ancient Greek days. She’s been around Vegas for decades, and has tried a couple ways of driving Zem out, to no avail. Most recently, she was a showgirl — and who, I ask you, would be better suited to parading around mostly naked than the immortal Goddess of Love? Really. — but that ended (badly) when Zem and Magnolia tried to draft her as the centerpiece of a new love slave/sex shop site they’d planned. Oh well. The show she briefly starred in, Extravaganza!, is now dark and its manager, the infamous Miss Honorė Jerques (secretly Magnolia’s mother, but mostly just a world-class, iron-plated bitch) is skulking around its dark hallways chain-smoking. Sad. But pretty funny, if you ask me. More about Honorė as the story winds up.

And then, off in New York, there’s Extravaganza!’s other semi-famous showgirl, Rachel Ferguson, who allowed herself to be carried off by her one-time dresser, the simply fabulous Testy Lesbiana, drag queen extraordinaire and overall wise woman of the tale. Testy has been handed a commission by Venus (helped along by the ersatz guardian angel of Las Vegas, the ghost of Bugsy Siegel) to track down an old friend of hers, an unknown character whom the goddess believes may be the only one around able to stop Zem. Hm… is this another god, ready to surface? One of those heroes of old who do daring deeds and slay six monsters before breakfast? A new action movie actor? We don’t know yet, but all signs point to finding out soon.

There’s also been a fairy tale, but that may be completely beside the point.

And now… here we go! Fasten your seat belts, brew your coffee, and enjoy!

NEXT POST: THE BEGINNING OF THE END (Friday 1/8)