Hero Delivery

When Rachel woke up, there was a handsome prince staring down at her.

“Oh god,” she moaned.

“I think she’s awake,” the prince called out. His dark hair needed to be cut. It fell all over his perfectly guileless eyes. His chin was stubbly in a way that was not nearly artistic enough to have been deliberate, but sexier than any male model. The jaw line beneath the stubble was strong but not Dudley Dooright cartoonish, matching his brows, which were furrowed as he gazed down.

She lay perfectly still in the mud and slush. She moaned again.

“Of course she’s awake,” Testy Lesbiana’s voice approached. “She only fainted. Silly girl. Get up, Rachel, the ground’s cold and you’re all dirty.”

“Oh, thank you for pointing that out,” Rachel muttered. She thrashed around and managed to connect her two feet to the ground and her two hands to various other hands reaching out to help her. Everybody involved hauled, the ground retreated, and she stood up.

“Steady, Simba,” Testy cautioned, holding her arm firmly. "Now — Seth, Rachel. Rachel, Seth. I’m sure he’d be happy to hold you up all by himself, so I'm letting go, babydoll. And she did so, leaving Rachel to stumble again, into the strong and waiting arms of the made-to-order hero.

“Um, thanks,” she muttered.

“No problem,” he assured her. He helped her stand up straight one more time and smiled at her. His eyes crinkled at the corners.

She wanted to stare at that smile, look him in the eye and ask all sorts of things — Who are you? Where did you come from? Have we met? Why not? — but nothing came out from her lips. She looked back at Testy, instead.

“So who’s Seth?” she asked, and then flinched at the baldness of it.

“Your handsome prince,” her friend told her, just as baldly. “I’ve got to go talk to the dragon. This is what I warned you about, baby,” she said. “My friend over there...” she indicated a particularly dark patch of the lightless woods, where Rachel avoided looking, “well, I told you he wouldn’t fit in at any coffeehouse. Hell, he wouldn’t fit in any coffeehouse.” She made an attempt at laughter, but it fell flat in the gummy air. “I know, I know,” Testy added more gently. “It’s all just too much for your little showgirl mind, isn’t it? Wish I could help you with that, honey. But the truth is... well, this.” She spread her hands out to indicate the slushy park, its wet, drippy trees, the mysterious if sexy stranger who’d appeared without warning, and the shape that lurked among the trees only a dozen feet away. “I’m sorry, but here it is. This is the world, as I know it.” She shrugged.

Rachel looked down, then up again at Testy. She was afraid if she lost sight of her friend, she might find that Testy had transformed into a monster, too, or else disappeared completely and left her with this... Seth. Or... something even weirder.

“Don’t think so much, doll,” Testy soothed. “It’s better if you just go with it. Figure things out later. When you’re not in shock,” she added, and smiled and reached up to pat Rachel’s shoulder with her pudgy hand.

“I’ll stay here. You can ask me anything you want,” a voice behind her shoulder offered. She glanced back at Seth, who was watching her, and trying to look encouraging, she guessed.

“Thanks, but–”

“That’s perfect,” Testy interrupted. “Sorry doll,” she added, “but like I said, I have to confab with the lizard. Hang out here with the hero, okay? He’ll take good care of you. Hell — that’s his job!” She gave a hoot of laughter, stepped back to look Rachel, and then Seth, over for a long moment, shook her head, and smiled. “You kids have fun,” she said. And then she stumped off through the bushes, taking no time for the path.

“Have you known the wise woman long?” Seth asked.

NEXT POST: THE ONLY WAY TO FLY (Monday 3/8)